Nice piece ...

Two Dead Boys

Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,

Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,

I come before you to stand behind you,

To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;

Admission is free, so pay at the door,

Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.

The topic to discuss...

The crime that has never been committed.

One fine morning in the middle of the night,

Two dead men got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye,

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came to arrest the two dead boys,

If you don't believe this story’s true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too!

In one form or another the modern version of Two Dead Boys, has been collected from children in playgrounds since the middle of the 19th century. A detailed study with examples collected throughout the British Isles since the turn of the 20th century can be found in Iona and Peter Opie’s The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren [1959, Oxford. Oxford University Press, pp. 24-29].

Have a good laugh !!

Have a good laugh and spread the joy :D .

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".

12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Some blah to start Blogging

Part - 1

It all started on a sunny afternoon (I assume to be sunny bcoz it was about 4 yrs ago) when my parents asked, " Anirudh, do you want to do science ?? ". For good or for bad I replied, “ Yes” . The reasons were simple, most of my classmates and friends were opting for science too, so might as well go with the flow . After the 10th boards, with 3 glorious months of holidays in front, going out of station to a hill stations or a resort or relatives place or etc …(you get the picture) would be the norm.

[ Norm - A standard, model, or pattern regarded as typical ]

But education in India is never ‘norm’ (wrong usage I know), with preparations for an exam after 12th starting from classes as low as 9th and working hours leaving only 5 hrs a day to eat, play, enjoy, study ( in that order assuming 7hrs of sleep ). Due to external factors and ‘advice’ I was enrolled ( not complaining ) into crash courses for chem ( good choice bad usage ) , maths ( bad choice bad usage ) and comp science ( bad choice, no way of using ) during my 10th hols . The chem. Crash courses I baguely remember partly due the fact that it was almost 4 yrs ago , partly due to the fact that I was half asleep through most of them. The math crash was supposed to be an hour long class. But the highest recorded duration was 55 mins and the average about 30 mins. The 1st class was the highest and kept reducing as the days progressed reaching a low of 5 mins on a day when the ‘Prof’ slept off. The CS crash course was where I understood (on hindsight) how important a teacher is in inculcating interest of a subject into a student. The course was an agonizing experience with me visualizing what I might be doing for the next 2 yrs and how I was getting no way closer to making it easier. Bottom Line – I changed subjects, a mature (spur of the moment) decision . The reasons for the change, I found out later , was stuff that would hardly be done in school . On hindsight this decision was soley due to the prowess of my CS ‘Prof’ in making an interesting subject look mundane and arcane.

So, after all the Crash ‘Courses’ came school and the coaching classes. After 8 grueling hours of school , came 3 hrs of classes and an added 1hr for travel (min.). The classes were an experience in themselves varying in their degree of difficulty, travel, length of time in school uniform and amount of time actually taught .

* This is my 1st blog so views and comments welcome.
* Scathing ones inevitable but try to be as gentle as possible.
* Part 2 will be out soon (i hope) .