Nice piece ...

Two Dead Boys

Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,

Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,

I come before you to stand behind you,

To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;

Admission is free, so pay at the door,

Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.

The topic to discuss...

The crime that has never been committed.

One fine morning in the middle of the night,

Two dead men got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye,

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came to arrest the two dead boys,

If you don't believe this story’s true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too!

In one form or another the modern version of Two Dead Boys, has been collected from children in playgrounds since the middle of the 19th century. A detailed study with examples collected throughout the British Isles since the turn of the 20th century can be found in Iona and Peter Opie’s The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren [1959, Oxford. Oxford University Press, pp. 24-29].